How money is ruining you
The problem that I feel when I get down in the dumps is the feeling of inconsequential existence. That’s why I feel at my lowest when I know that my passing would mean something to some people, but my overall existence would amount to pretty much nothing on this Earth, that’s when I feel the worst. That’s when I reach the lowest point of burnout that’s where I’m at right now.
So now I’m sitting in my car driving home exhausted, burnt out having to go back to work for the 6th day and probably the 7th day tomorrow as I have for weeks now and it’s not even that I go for a long time.
It’s just that you have to stop everything and commute first 30 minutes to get to the job and be there for whatever time and do the work. Drop everything and go in on what should be some day of rest.
I don’t get like this often but when I do you know, it is happening more and more the older I get. You know, the more often I have to go to The Well of Despair, I draw from the bitter cup of realization that things aren’t working out in any way shape or form I want or desire.
I still have no answers. I still have no idea how to get to where I want to be with anything.
I will continue to live scraping by paycheck to paycheck trying to eke out a living and not go broke in this town.
It’s not really a living, it’s not really a way to live, it’s just you’re barely making it by then working. It’s also the added responsibility.
Knowing that I have to work harder and harder the older I get to just maintain what I have. Everything gets expensive, oppressive and you know people who are like “why don’t you just save a little bit”
Well I wanted to buy food so I could eat and not die but I guess that’s not good enough.
Top performer earning you know, money to buy food. Now is the winter of our discontent where we realize that our dreams are over and that we can no longer achieve what we hope to achieve.
My dog has a better life than me because his happiness is derived from me and his life is very simple.
Perhaps if we can all be as simply happy as dogs or baser creatures, you know, life would be good.
You can’t have too much consciousness and we want too much to be desired, too much everything.
Anyway, I’m just so tired. I just keep going despite everything. Like a human can’t stop fighting, I guess it’s okay but can be taxing on the soul.
If there is such a thing anyway I’m going to stop ranting now I don’t care anymore.
If you liked this rant then feel free to buy me a ko-fi
